When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
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