There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Randomize