i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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