Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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