i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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