If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
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