In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Randomize
