quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
