i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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