Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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