he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
