i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Randomize
