conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
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