It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Randomize
