and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
Randomize
