Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
All I want is dick and wine.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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