When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
