You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
