tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
Randomize
