im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
