I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
FUCK WHALES
Who put my cat in the fridge?
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