You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Randomize