I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Randomize
