Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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