i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
