I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
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