direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
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