At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
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