You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Randomize
