Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Randomize
