I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
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