i was born a porn star she said
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Randomize
