Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Randomize
