C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
