At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
