Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
my liver is dry heaving
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
