So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
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