if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize