walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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