Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Randomize
