Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Randomize
