using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
Randomize
