First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
