just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
Randomize
