Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Randomize
