Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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