He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
