people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Randomize
