True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
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