Farmville is her only friend.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
