she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
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