I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
