And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
