I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
it's like heaven, but drunker
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
Randomize
