She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Randomize
