I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Randomize