Just cropdusted the office
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
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