I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Randomize
