I feel like I'm in dance class right now
I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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