I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
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