Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
Someone came in the potted fern
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
