I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize
